12 July 10

Looking for Inspiration

I’m burnt out. It’s hard to say that out loud. The last couple of months or so I’ve had a hard time keeping ahold of my motivation and inspiration. In many ways I’ve felt like I’m just fighting an uphill battle with the to-do list at home, the to-do list at work, the to-do list for Poise, the to-do list for the other projects I want to be involved in. And it’s just overwhelming. I think I go through this periodically, start to wonder what the sense in keeping any of it going is. Why do I always bite off more than I can chew? Do I secretly like that panicked, choking sensation when I realize I have too much to do in the time allowed? Or has it become such a pattern that I don’t know how to break out of it?

And I say this realizing at this point last year I was halfway through writing a book. This year what have I done? I made a couple bags, and, um, started to reorganize the kitchen, and, um, yeah I started a few knitting projects. Sigh. Maybe it’s because I don’t have an externally created deadline. I’m not good at creating deadlines for myself, although I have gotten better.

But I’ve been whiny about it. I start talking or thinking about all of the things I “have” to do and I feel whiny. Andrew and I talked about this a few nights ago, and I had no answers. I resisted the urge to go through all of the things I have to get done, all the projects I’ve started but haven’t completed (oh dining room, you were so on the way to looking perfect). And as I woke up on Sunday, feeling much less whiny after a good night’s sleep, I couldn’t help but wonder if that is part of the problem. I don’t sleep enough. I don’t think I’ve felt rested 7 days in a row for years. I need to fix it.

But I also think I need to create a to-do list of all the things I feel like I have to get done. Maybe having them in a concrete list that I can check off will make me feel more organized. It worked at work and for the DIY Trunk Show. The sense of anxiety and panic subsued and I was able to just look at the list and figure out what I could do next. If it isn’t an ordered list, I think it’ll be easier to read through. While I was thinking about the things I needed to go on my list, I saw a blouse that I cut out two years ago.

I actually cut out the fabric to be a dress two years ago. I had it mostly complete and realized that the interfacing for the button facing was way too heavy, and I looked like a character out of Little House on the Prarie, which could be cool if it were for Halloween, but it was supposed to accompany me on vacation. It ended up hanging on a hook in my closet, mocking me every time I wanted something behind it.

So last night I ripped off the facing, cut out new facing, sewed it on, pressed it, hemmed it and marked buttonholes. And now that I look at it all ready for cutting and sewing and button applying and I wonder if I should have marked the buttonholes the other direction instead. Side-to-side? or Up-and-down? What a quandry. It may not really matter, in the end, at least not as much that I finished something. It’s going on the top of the to-do list. That way I have something to start with that makes me feel accomplished and reminds me that none of the things on my list are bad. As long as I take them one at a time.

Comments

  1. i think for blouses i prefer buttonholes up & down. but i’m not positive.

    — carolyn on Jul 13, 09:28 am

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